This memorial website was created in the memory of our son, Barry Geesey who was born in Pennsylvania on April 30, 1979 and passed away on February 18, 2006 at the age of 26. We will remember him forever. 

He is survived by his Dad Barry, his Mom Tina and his two sisters Kari and Megan ( Moo) his nickname for her.  He also has three beautiful nephews Kainen ,Noah and Isaiah.
Barry was born on April 30, 1979.  It was a very hard labor.  He lost oxygen and had to be delivered with forceps.  He as 8 and 1/2 lbs.  And beautiful!!  But because of his birth and lose of oxygen he was mildly retarded.  Walking, crawling and just every day tasks were much harder for him.  School was a very hard task but after struggling hard he graduated in 1998.  He loved his sisters.  His nickname for them was Meg was Moo and Kari was Duetch.  Never knew why but we didn't care.  It meant something to him.  He loved wrestling and scary movies.  In fact his last day of life he was watching one.  On that day Feb. 18th 2006 Barry's Dad and I were going in town after he got off work at 12:00 noon.  So that morning I had to take Meg back to her apartment she had just moved into in Huntingdon.  She had  spent a couple days home.  So I woke Barry up because he wanted to go along and see her place.  So after dropping her off I took Barry to the new Wal-Mart that had just opened there.  I for some reason told him he could get what he wanted.  So he bought 2 scary movies and a salad for lunch and snacks.  One of them was two packs of beef jerky.  So when his Dad got home we went and did our arrands.  We got him some dinner when we were gone.  So when we got home I went upstairs to see him.  He was in Meg's old room.  I had just put a new t.v. in there and the dvd player.  There was no bed because she had already took it out.  On the floor was a couple of sleeping bags and pillows.  Meg and I had slept there the night before watching movies.  When I walked in he looked like he was just sleeping.  So I went down stairs and came back up 15 mins. later to wake him.  But as I came in the room I noticed he had not moved.  So I knelt down to wake him and when I touched him he was cold.  I looked into him face and knew he was gone.  From that moment on is such a blur.  My life had never or will ever be the same again.  My beautiful, wonderful, son was gone.  It has taken me a year and 1/2 to write this.  I still can't believe he is not here.  I miss him more than anyone could imagine.  I still cry everyday.  If anyone ask me if I am getting "over" it, I just tell them I had him for 26 years, so after 26 years ask me again.  

     

   Barry's Dad Barry died on March 24, 2010 from liver cancer.  Now they are together.    

The Worst Loss of all.


...
I want you to try to imagine the worst thing in the world that your beloved child died... Let me explain to you the reality…try to imagine, if you can, never seeing your child again, never hearing her laugh, never hearing the sound of their voice, never smelling the scent you have come to recognize as your child.. Never hearing them say “I love you”…nothing - just silence, emptiness. Now imagine never seeing your child’s smile, never seeing her upset or happy, never watching her sleep…missing them so much that you are twisted up inside and the pain stays with you 24/7, you smell their pillow, their clothes, you look at her pictures and can only cry - what happened, why!?.. You have never felt longing like this in your life! Longing to hear her voice, to see her face again, and to know deep in your soul you cannot fix it. Now imagine every single thing that used to give you joy and pleasure turns into hurt and despair overnight. Not a gradual thing, but going from pleasure to hurt, from happiness to sadness, from peace to no peace, changing overnight. Everything you loved now hurts like hell…
For example: music, I used to love music, it gave me pleasure, I didn’t realize how much music was a part of my life and how it is everywhere, now I cannot listen to it, it sears me like a red hot knife with the pain of losing my child, it cuts me wide open.. like the old song, the day the music died, that’s me, and believe it or not, almost every song reminds me of the void in my life without my child, I am not unique in that pain - if you lost a child you would know. That is just one little example of how your life is affected by the loss of your child. Just ONE example! You feel the loss with every thought, every emotion, and the loss bleeds into every aspect of your life. even with your other children, you still love your other children just as much as always, but as hard as it is, even they hurt you now, because when you see them you feel the LOSS, the loss of the child that died not being with their siblings. It doesn't’ fit, there is a piece missing, your whole life doesn’t fit anymore. Everything that felt right, now feels wrong. And of course there is always the missing, the horrible gut wrenching, out of your control missing…
As good parents we were always able to fix things or make things better for our children... this we cannot fix, cannot make it better. So on top of everything else you are feeling, you also feel helpless...out of control and hopeless…and this is universal, every parent that truly loves their child will feel this. Are you starting to imagine now how it feels? and you are doing this exercise for 10 minutes, imagine, really imagine, feeling this way 24/7 -
Day after day, month after month, and no matter what you are doing or who you are talking to, a tape of your child plays over and over in your mind. your child when she was a baby, a laughing happy little girl, a cute young teen, a wonderful young man or women and it always plays in your head and you do not want to forget even a single second of your beautiful child’s life…but that is a fear you have, that as time passes you will start to forget…so now, please add FEAR to the list of emotions. This is what it really feels like. a part of you has died, don’t just read the words, FEEL them - died, gone forever… a real, beautiful, living part of you has died… and you are still living, left behind to try to pick up the pieces of your shattered life and not having a clue where to even begin. No wonder a high percentage of marriages break up, parents have breakdowns, turn to alcohol, drugs or a destructive way of life. NO WONDER!!!!!
A part of you does not exist anymore and it is scary as hell... that is why they say the loss of a child is like no other loss... you cannot compare it to another loss, with other losses you grieve and you are of course sad, but when your child dies, a part of you ceases to exist, gone just like that, gone no warning, just gone.
And the life that you knew, the things you always felt, the things in your life that made sense, that you held on to, that makes up who you are - are Gone!!!That is why when parents who have lost children hear “I want the old you back”, “it’s been a year (a month, 6 months-whatever), and don’t you feel better yet?” “You are doing this to yourself, you’re making it harder on yourself”, “grief can become a selfish thing you know”, we can only shake our heads and feel sadness and hopelessness, because there is no way our lives will ever be like it was when our child was alive.
No wonder bereaved parents isolate themselves; we are just trying to hold on. So were you able to imagine for 10 minutes what it must feel like? Even 2 minutes is too long to imagine the unimaginable, to feel the pain, I would not wish it any anyone, but did you get a sense of how Life changing it is?
Imagine you feel this 24/7, not even getting a moments relief from it! Now go on and put on your favorite CD to listen to, enjoy the music...go home and hug your child, listen to them laugh, watch her smile, smell the scent that you know is them and please do not tell me how I should feel or that I am holding onto this, or that my friends/family must be tired of watching me go through this, because if you haven’t lost a beloved child of yours, you haven’t got a clue.
Now when you hear these words “the presence of her absence is everywhere”, will you finally understand?
Written by Louise Lagerman
And Diana Dimsasi                                                                  Songs of my Heart

                  A Mothers Day Poem

Songs of my heart cry out for you

Songs of my heart cry out for me

For we once had, now can never be

The lyrice of this song is a sad one

The melody plays out , The song is done

Every beautiful note

Sings to me and lets me see

Just how much you mean to me

Songs of my heart cry out for you

Songs of my heart cry out for me

For once we once had, now can never be

The note of this song is a sad lonely one

The melody plays out, The song is done

Every bittersweet lyrics cries out to me

And commands my heart to see

Just how much you  will always mean to me

Songs of my heart cry out for you

Songs of my heart cry out for me

Maybe one day they will see

What it did to the song of my heart

When you died and went away from me.

written by Louise Lagerman  (AngelMom)

2010

Louise Lagerman Quote from a book I read

No no one except those who have lost a child
can fathom the depths of our agony.
The daily reminders of the empty place at the table.
The empty bed in the room down the hall.
The Haunting horror of imagining her sufferings in the last moments of her life.
The guilt of not being there.
The wistful thoughts of:What would she be doing now?
What impact would the passage of time have on the features of her face?
On her happiness?
On her heart?
The wondering never ceases

The pain never ends.
Our hearts battered

Our spirits broken